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Last Night

Background: I have nothing to do at work so i wrote this short story.
Additional Background: I'm practicing for a half marathon. My co-worker and I have this running joke about her wanting to run with me and my always saying no.

I laid awake listening attentively for the sound that disturbed my much needed sleep. At first, I did not hear anything but the light snoring of my husband. I closed eyes trying to drift off to sleep but there it is again, the noise. I strained my ears and I hear it. The noise is low and dark.


I debated with myself about checking on it myself or waking my husband. I decided to grab our defense system, Betsy the Bat, and investigate. I tip toed to my daughter room to see if the sound is the tree branch hitting the window. I know it is not that but I was trying to procrastinate.


She was fast asleep sucking her thumb. I tucked the blanket under her and whispered that I love her.


The noise pulled me back to my bedroom but I do think I walked those steps. It feels as if my feet floated above the ground. The sound pulled me toward it.


I knew something is wrong and I wished that I woke my husband up. But I cannot move my feet and open my mouth to call his name. I was in a daze; the noise is no longer a sound. It was a voice, a hunting familiar voice. Even though my feet and my mouth would not move, my hands reached up to the curtain and pushed it aside. At first, I saw nothing and I almost happily sigh.


Then I saw her, standing in the rain. I wiped the fog from the window and put my ear to it listening. The moaning became clearer. It was a woman voice, who said “I want to” but I could not understand the rest because my nerves or fake asthma caused my breath to be loud and haggard.


I closed my eyes tight trying to pray that I was still dreaming. Before I could finish my prayer, they are opened by her loud moaning. I could hear her voice in my bones; I instantly tighten my grip on the bat. Her words and her pain are one wounded heartbreaking song. She was standing there with the moon as her spotlight making her golden hair seem white. She was holding what look likes to be a pair of running shoes. She glanced up at me and we locked eyes, she said, “I want to run with you”.


She sings this poignant cry over and over. I want to run with you. My scream was caught in my throat but some how I broke her gaze but lose my footing and fell on something. Fearing that I fell on the bat, I immediately grabbed the item and with the glint of the moon, I know what it is before I saw them. They are her running shoes.


The voice is now a whisper but it’s clear. I want to run with you.

Ramadan Mubarak

The month of Ramadan has arrived again, the month of fasting and prayer. Muslims are observing the month of Ramadan, which last for 29 or 30 days. Muslims follow the lunar calendar, so Ramadan is from new moon to new moon. In this month Muslims don't eat nor drink from before sunrise to dusk (In NC - breakfast is at 7: 30ish today) and abstain from sex during this time. Before the sunrises it is recommended that we eat breakfast or Suhoor (in Arabic). You can eat whatever you want and you can start eating this breakfast whenever you want. The meal that Muslims eat to break their fast is called Iftaar or dinner.

The purpose of fasting is manifold. Allah (the God Almighty) mentioned in the Holy Book of the Muslims, Quran, that the fasting is prescribed for the believers as it was prescribed for the people before them, so that they may acquire self control and God-consciousness. Therefore, the purpose of the fasting is to develop God-consciousness, self-control, improvement of health by reducing or eliminating impurities from the body, and to become aware of the plight of the poor, hungry, and the sick.

Ramadan is also a month of spiritual consciousness and high sense of social responsibility. The fulfillment of one's obligations during the month is rewarded by 70 times. Muslims fast so we can learn self-restraint and also for us to understand the plight of the less fortunate. During this time a Muslim is should be trying to better their faith and strengthen their love of God (ALLAH) by reading parts of the Quran everyday(the Quran is broken into 30 parts or [30 juz], Muslims try read at least one part a day),reading other Islamic books, donating money to the poor, praying extra prayers, etc.

Every Muslim is obligated to fast except: the old, sick, insane, young, menstruating women, pregnant women, nursing women.

After this month Muslims celebrate Eid, a celebration, where gifts are exchanged.

Personally, I do not mind people eating or talking about food in front of me. I have been fasting from a very young age (around 6) and I learned how to deal with hunger (keep your mind occupied). What annoys or bothers me is when people act as if I cannot do something simple because I am fasting. Or blame a small mistake that I make on fasting.

Loosely translated, Ramadan Mubarak," means "May God give you a blessed month," and "Ramadan Kareem," which means "May God give you generous Ramadan.

As always questions welcomed.


Why won't my period go off? What happen to my nice 4 days of bloating and cramping? Why am I almost on one full week?


I was aimlessly reading random blogs last night when I came accross this entry.

The blogger described her friend and their relationship. Her friend was recently murdered. The friend’s photo looked familiar but I was not sure I knew her until I saw her name, Denita Smith.

I knew Denita Smith. We worked on the U's newspaper and attended some of the same classes. Even though our relationship was mainly a Hi and Bye one, her death really shook me. To read about her senseless death really bothered me. Denita was trying to do great things and its upsetting that someone chose to end her life before she could accomplish her goals.

My heart goes out to her family and fiancé.

"how can i tell you" by Cat Power

How can I tell you that I love you... I love you
But I can't think of right words to say
and I long to tell you that I'm always thinking of you
I'm always thinking of you
but my words just blow away
just blow away

always ends up to one thing honey
and I can't think of right words to say

Wherever I am, girl, I'm always walking with you
I'm always walking with you
but I look and you're not there
whomever I'm with, I'm always, always talking to you
I'm always talking to you
and I'm sad that you can't hear
sad that you can't hear

it always ends up to one thing honey
when I look and you're not there

I need to know you
Need to feel my arms around you
Feel my arms surround you
like the sea around the shore
each night and day I pray
and hope that I might find you
and hope that I might find you
because hearts can do no more

it always ends up to one thing honey
still I kneal upon your floor

how can I tell you that I love you... I love you
but I can't think of what's right to say
I long to tell you that I'm always thinking of you
I'm always thinking of you

it always ends up to one thing honey
and I can't think of right words to say
Please leave me a comment with one or more of the following:
- a secret
- a criticism
- a crush
- a compliment
- a death threat
- a love note
- a song
- a picture
- anything else you want.

Then paste this in your journal for the fun to begin.

I need help

I'm trying to redo my journal and I reached a couple of stalemates. Does anyone know how to add a banner/heading?


I woke up at 11. Ate breakfast, watched a little TV, and then read. Went back to bed around one and woke up at 2:15. Talked to a friend on the phone for half and hour then paid some bills. I am going to the movies and dinner tonight.

And people wonder why I don’t want kids, right now.


Last night, my brother drove from Columbia to here for a visit. He wanted to spend some time with Manz and I. He drove 4 hours and I only spent 30 minutes with us. He stayed for just enough time for us to print out his directions to his next destination. I would be upset if it wasn't amusing.
I cannot bite down on the right side of my mouth because of my mouth ulcer and I cannot swallow without pain because of my swollen glands. My neck looks twice its normal size. I do not have a running nose, sneezing, or any of the other symptoms that usually accompany these ailments. Manz has me on a diet of vitamin c, Echinacea and golden seal, and peppermint tea. The tea gives me relief for about five minutes.

I am cranky and tired.
Please don't add me to your friends list without telling me.

Friends edited: May 3, 2003

After some deliberations, I decided to make this journal friends-only. I don’t want this journal to be superficial look at the life I lead but a true reflection of the person I am and want to be. I want to look back on the things I write and feel like I grew more as a person, that I am not the same person that I was on that particular day. The only way to do that is for me to write more about how my life is and how it was and not what I ate for lunch. I want some privacy to discuss certain things in my life without feeling self-conscious.

I try not to make this journal a daily documentary about the when and where but more about the how and the why. I am truly interested in the why.

Therefore, this journal is now friends-only.If you plan to add me, at least PLEASE let me know by posting a comment HERE or by e-mail. Thank u!

Things you should know about me:
*I am Muslim
*I talk a lot about my marriage to Manz
*I have never been in any LJ Drama
*I am neither a comment whore nor virgin
*I need to work on my grammar
*I sometimes post large pictures but I know how to use a LJ-cut
*I don't post every day because its about quality rather then quantity
*Don't Add me just to see your friend's list increase

confess to me.

Idea barrowed from dazedstrawberry

I want a confession. Any confession- big, small, ridiculous, serious. ANYTHING. From anything you've ever wanted to get off your chest, to anything quirky or weird about you that would be a kick to know. For every confession I get, I'll give one.

Rules are:

1) They have to be in comments and not emailed (i.e., gotta have the balls to post it publicly)
2) Link to this in your journal, because yes - I want confessions from people I don't know too.
3) I can't ask you any further about your confession, and you can't ask me any further about mine.
4) If you've ever senselessly murdered anyone or abused a child, I don't wanna know.
5) If you're one of my good friends, please post something I don't know about! :D

Now- type away! :D Let's make this interesting :P

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